dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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