so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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