I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
