did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
