She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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