i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
