he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
