if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
