If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
