Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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