He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
