JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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