ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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