Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
