yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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