I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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