Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
