I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The best revenge is premature balding
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
