you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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