lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
