Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
