Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
