I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
