I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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