i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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