This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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