she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
