I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
