I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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