Duck Duck Cougar?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
