I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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