bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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