I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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