one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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