but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
