We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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