Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just cut my nipple shaving
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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