Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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