Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
