woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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