It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
