doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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