i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you traded sex for a burrito?
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I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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