every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
