all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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