Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
