And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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