hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize