I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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