how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
