Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
