I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
