i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
