My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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