Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize