There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
