it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
