I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
