I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize