wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
