I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
