Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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