I think my vagina is haunted
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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