I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
