Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
