I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
