i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
