We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
