So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
