Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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