I should be sponsored by Trojan
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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