this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
