i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
