you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
