I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm gonna fight the coyote
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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