i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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