i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
