My hand turned me down
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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