it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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