Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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