I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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